This post was originally published on our Transformed4More site on October 24, 2016
Have you ever heard of the Cycle of Violence? What about teenage dating violence? Do you know the characteristics of an abuser? Do you know how to recognize if you’re in an abusive relationship or how to get out of one?
I ask, because dating violence is something many teenagers are CLUELESS about and don’t realize that ANYONE can fall victim to this abuse.
This is the first post in the series about teenage dating violence and by the end, the answers to all of the above questions will be given and addressed in detail. Why is this important to know? Below is an infographic about the statistics of teen dating violence. [P.S. If you’re looking for the video/freebie, scroll to the bottom of the post.]
*This graphic links to a different website. I did not look at the site in major depth, so I am not endorsing it. Just wanted you to know the facts.Do you know about teen dating violence? The characteristics of an abuser? Click to find out more.Click To Tweet
The Three Types of Abuse
I first learned about the Cycle of Violence in middle school. The details are vague, I just remember having a guest speaker that would come to our class once a month and discuss various topics, like hygiene, relationships, social skills, etc. During the lesson, she showed flip charts about the characteristics of an abuser, what the abuse looks like, etc.
The middle school speaker mainly focused on physical abuse where the man was the abuser and the woman was abused. After life experience and reading countless articles on this issue, I came to learn there were three types of abuse and that women could abuse men as well.
The three types of abuse are physical, verbal, and emotional. Many times, abusers use a combination of the three, but they each have their own unique traits.Dating abuse can be physical, verbal, and/or emotional. Click here to learn more and share.Click To Tweet
Here’s a handy chart because I’m a teacher and I love charts ;). Each type has a short explanation and example.
TYPES OF ABUSE
| Physical | Verbal | Emotional |
| -punching -slapping-hitting– holding you close after you’ve asked to be let go-grabbing you if you try to walk away -anything sexual in nature that is unsolicited | – “You’re stupid.” – “I can’t believe you’d do something like that” – “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re dumb just like your mother.” “You’re nothing but a pretty face.” – Really, any type of put down | -When they make you feel bad for doing normal things: Ex: “Why do you hang outwith your friends so much,don’t you love me?” Ex: Can’t you skip practicetoday and hang out withme? Is basketball reallymore important? This abuse is harder to spot because it is not as blatant as the other two. |
The Cycle of Violence & Explanation
If an abuser was abusive all the time, the victim would be blatantly aware and end the relationship. However, dating violence happens in a cycle. Below is a graphic representation:
- The Honeymoon Phase
This is the stage in the relationship where everything seems normal. It can last for a few days, a few weeks, a month, or maybe a little longer. It generally does not last for a long period of time.
- Tension Building
At this stage the abuser begins to get angry at something insignificant or make up something you did wrong. You begin to feel the need to keep the abuser from an outburst so you “Walk on Eggshells” to keep them from an emotional/physical explosion. You often believe that changing your behavior will stop the outburst. [It won’t. It NEVER does; it just may keep it at bay for a while.] The tension building stage could last for weeks.
- Outburst
The actual outburst happens. This can manifest itself in physical/sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse. This usually lasts no more than 24 hours.
- Apology
The abuser apologizes for his/her actions. Usually they will not take responsibility; they will either blame you or someone else. They could also say, “I just couldn’t help it.”Is your dating relationship is in a crazy cycle you can’t explain? Click here to learn more.Click To Tweet
Then it returns to the honeymoon stage. This stage gives the victim hope that the abuser will change; this sense of hope generally causes the victim to stay in the relationship.
Videos
I spent FOREVER on YouTube trying to find short, informative videos on this topic that weren’t too explicit or a cheesy freshman Wellness project.
In this video, two girls give their accounts of teenage dating violence. They also have a teen panel that talks and two adults speak on the topic as well. It is very informative and a little over 10 minutes.
This shows good examples of violence played out…
The next video is the one I made for this post for those of you who hate reading. I am passionate about this topic and I hope it shows through in the video. It’s about 8 minutes.
Recap
- Anyone, male or female, can become a victim of teenage dating violence.
- There are three types of abuse: physical, verbal and emotional.
- They cycle of violence has four stages: honeymoon, tension building, outburst, and apology. Many people stay in these relationships because the apology stage gives them hope that the abuser will change.
- PLEASE watch the videos. They will help drive the points home.
In Closing
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you will read/watch every post in this series. I could save your life!
1.The Cycle of Violence
2. Seven Characteristics of an Abuser
3. Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
4. How to Break up with an Abuser
5. Healing After Abuse
6. How to avoid an Abuser in the Future
Also…
We talk about the Cycle of Violence in our book So, You Think You’re Ready to Date? We also discuss other dating pitfalls to avoid and what a good guy is like :). To learn more, click the graphic below:
Thank you for reading. Please share!
-Sarah
