Hello all! In the So, You Think You’re Ready to Date book that I wrote, there are specific posts I mentioned. You can find them all below.

The “Cycle of Violence” is below:

• The Cycle of Violence
•  Seven Characteristics of an Abuser
• Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
• How to Break up with an Abuser
• Healing After Abuse
• How to avoid an Abuser in the Future

Next is the “Bad Date” Video

Here is “The Good Date” Video

Enjoy!

One of the biggest questions I had when my abusive relationship ended was, “How do I avoid this ever happening to me again?”

After reading many, many articles and doing some massive soul searching and deconstructing how my abuser and I first began to date, I found some common threads.

Below are three action items to do that will help you avoid getting into an abusive relationship.

*There is a video at the end if you prefer that*

Continue reading “How to Avoid an Abuser in Your Future Relationships” →

Hey everyone and welcome back to the Cycle of Violence series.  I am so glad you’re here! If you randomly stumbled upon this, we are doing a two week series on teenage dating violence. All of the posts are linked at the bottom.

Today we are discussing five ways to heal after an abusive relationship. Being in this type of relationship takes a toll on almost every  aspect of your life and hopefully by the end of the post, you will have concrete guidelines that will help you stay in the fast lane on the road to recovery.

There is a video that goes along with this is at the end of the post if you prefer that. :).

Let’s dive in! How to heal after an abusive relationship.

Continue reading “Healing After an Abusive Relationship” →

Breaking up is hard to do. Especially if you are breaking up with an abuser. Normal break-up rules do not apply here, so what do you do?

In today’s blog, we’ll be discussing how to break up with an abuser. There is also a video at the end if you prefer to watch that.

If this is the first post you’ve stumbled upon or haven’t read yet, be sure to check them out; they are all listed on the bottom of this post.

Before we begin, I need you to do me a favor. Clear your mind of everything you’ve ever been told, read, or watched, about break ups. Go ahead, flush it out. I can wait…[Jeopardy theme song plays…]. Here’s why: Normal break up rules DO NOT apply to abusers. They are in a completely separate category with a different set of guidelines.

Continue reading “How to Break up with an Abuser” →

Does your dating relationship make you feel uneasy?  Do you feel like you’re in constant turmoil or that your relationship has more tension than peace? These are signs that you could be in an abusive relationship.

So far in this series, we have discussed the Cycle of Violence and the Seven Characteristics of an Abuser. In today’s post, we have a quiz for you to take to see if you are in an abusive relationship. Ready? Here we go.

[If you want the printable, it’s at the bottom of the post]

Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?

For the purposes of this quiz, I am going to use the term “SO” to replace boyfriend. I know this website is for teen girls, but a male could stumble upon it as well in a google search, because believe it or not, girls can be abusers too.

1.Does your SO ever get jealous of people you spend time with? Even when you’re doing normal activities such as hanging out with our family or spending time with friends?

2. Have you stopped spending as much time with your family/friends because of this?

3. Is your SO physically violent with other people?

4. Does your SO ever say things like, “You’re stupid”, “I can’t believe you would do something like that”, “You love your family more than me.” ?

5. Does your SO have massive mood swings?

6. Have you ever been afraid of your SO? Afraid to make them angry or that something you do will upset them?

7. Does your SO get irrationally angered at sporting events or while watching sports on TV?

8. Have you ever had to talk to your SO, or wanted to, about their behavior?

9. Do you want to end the relationship with your SO, but are afraid of what might happen?

10. Does your SO keep you away from their friends?

11. Does your partner embarrass you, call you names, or make you feel stupid, either in private or in front of friends? Does your partner tell you that you don’t have a sense of humor, or are making a big deal out of nothing when you complain about it?

12. When your SO gets angry, do they ever take responsibility for their actions? Or blame others, or you?

13. Does your SO constantly check up on you? Question you about where you’re going, who you’re spending time with, and what you’re doing? Text you all the time to check up on you and expect you to answer his/her pages immediately?

14. Are you embarrassed to tell you friends/family how your SO treats you?

15. Do you feel pressured or forced into ANY type of sexual behavior by your SO?

16. Has your SO ever threatened to commit suicide or hurt him/herself if you break up with him/her?

17. Have been hit, kicked or shoved by your SO? Even once?

If you said yes to ANY two of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

What should you do?

• Accept Reality. Admitting this to yourself is the first step to getting out! You may have denied it for a long time or keep hoping things will change. They won’t. Accept reality.
• TELL SOMEONE! Tell a parent, school guidance counselor, youth pastor, or an older adult you trust. Getting away from this person is not easy and you need to have someone in your corner and someone who knows what they are like.
• Make a game plan to get out of the relationship. The longer you stay, the harder it is to get out and the more psychological damage you will receive. Pray about it and see what doors God opens. [We have a blog on this as well].

Here is what you must know:

You cannot make them change. You cannot inspire them to change. Both of these are  LIES. God is the only one that can change a person and you are not Him. Get out of the relationship and pray God changes them one day. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB.

In closing

Here are the other posts in this series. If you realize that you are in an abusive relationship, or a know someone who is, PLEASE have them read this! You are worth more than being someone’s punching bag, or being verbally and emotionally abused.

GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU SUFFERING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

1.The Cycle of Violence
2. Seven Characteristics of an Abuser
3. Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
4. How to Break up with an Abuser
5. Healing After Abuse
6. How to avoid an Abuser in the Future

I love you all and want you to have healthy relationships!!!!

-Sarah

P.S. We talk about the Cycle of Violence in our book So, You Think You’re Ready to Date?  We also discuss other dating pitfalls to avoid and what a good guy is like :). To learn more, click the graphic below:

If someone asked you what characteristics define an abusive person, how many could you come up with? One, two, zero? How can you tell is someone is an abuser?

This is the second post in our Cycle of Violence series. [For all the other posts, scroll to the bottom]. This post is all about the characteristics of an abuser. This is so important because if you see one or more of the characteristics in your love interest, be very cautious and KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN to what is happening.

If you would rather watch the video, you can do so at the bottom of the post. I would like for you to do both to help it sink in :). So, here we go, seven characteristics of an abuser.

Continue reading “Seven Characteristics of an Abuser” →

This post was originally published on our Transformed4More site on October 24, 2016

Have you ever heard of the Cycle of Violence? What about teenage dating violence? Do you know the characteristics of an abuser? Do you know how to recognize if you’re in an abusive relationship or how to get out of one?

I ask, because dating violence is something many teenagers are CLUELESS about and don’t realize that ANYONE can fall victim to this abuse.

Continue reading “The Cycle of Teenage Dating Violence” →