Does your dating relationship make you feel uneasy? Do you feel like you’re in constant turmoil or that your relationship has more tension than peace? These are signs that you could be in an abusive relationship.
So far in this series, we have discussed the Cycle of Violence and the Seven Characteristics of an Abuser. In today’s post, we have a quiz for you to take to see if you are in an abusive relationship. Ready? Here we go.
[If you want the printable, it’s at the bottom of the post]
Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
For the purposes of this quiz, I am going to use the term “SO” to replace boyfriend. I know this website is for teen girls, but a male could stumble upon it as well in a google search, because believe it or not, girls can be abusers too.
1.Does your SO ever get jealous of people you spend time with? Even when you’re doing normal activities such as hanging out with our family or spending time with friends?
2. Have you stopped spending as much time with your family/friends because of this?
3. Is your SO physically violent with other people?
4. Does your SO ever say things like, “You’re stupid”, “I can’t believe you would do something like that”, “You love your family more than me.” ?
5. Does your SO have massive mood swings?
6. Have you ever been afraid of your SO? Afraid to make them angry or that something you do will upset them?
7. Does your SO get irrationally angered at sporting events or while watching sports on TV?
8. Have you ever had to talk to your SO, or wanted to, about their behavior?
9. Do you want to end the relationship with your SO, but are afraid of what might happen?
10. Does your SO keep you away from their friends?
11. Does your partner embarrass you, call you names, or make you feel stupid, either in private or in front of friends? Does your partner tell you that you don’t have a sense of humor, or are making a big deal out of nothing when you complain about it?
12. When your SO gets angry, do they ever take responsibility for their actions? Or blame others, or you?
13. Does your SO constantly check up on you? Question you about where you’re going, who you’re spending time with, and what you’re doing? Text you all the time to check up on you and expect you to answer his/her pages immediately?
14. Are you embarrassed to tell you friends/family how your SO treats you?
15. Do you feel pressured or forced into ANY type of sexual behavior by your SO?
16. Has your SO ever threatened to commit suicide or hurt him/herself if you break up with him/her?
17. Have been hit, kicked or shoved by your SO? Even once?
If you said yes to ANY two of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.
What should you do?
- Accept Reality. Admitting this to yourself is the first step to getting out! You may have denied it for a long time or keep hoping things will change. They won’t. Accept reality.
- TELL SOMEONE! Tell a parent, school guidance counselor, youth pastor, or an older adult you trust. Getting away from this person is not easy and you need to have someone in your corner and someone who knows what they are like.
- Make a game plan to get out of the relationship. The longer you stay, the harder it is to get out and the more psychological damage you will receive. Pray about it and see what doors God opens. [We have a blog on this as well].
Here is what you must know:
You cannot make them change. You cannot inspire them to change. Both of these are LIES. God is the only one that can change a person and you are not Him. Get out of the relationship and pray God changes them one day. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB.
In closing
Here are the other posts in this series. If you realize that you are in an abusive relationship, or a know someone who is, PLEASE have them read this! You are worth more than being someone’s punching bag, or being verbally and emotionally abused.
GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU SUFFERING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
1.The Cycle of Violence
2. Seven Characteristics of an Abuser
3. Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
4. How to Break up with an Abuser
5. Healing After Abuse
6. How to avoid an Abuser in the Future
I love you all and want you to have healthy relationships!!!!
-Sarah
P.S. We talk about the Cycle of Violence in our book So, You Think You’re Ready to Date? We also discuss other dating pitfalls to avoid and what a good guy is like :). To learn more, click the graphic below:
